Well...it was a long time ago. I'm grateful for family and friends that helped me find my way when I realized it was time, and more than, to leave the dark hole I'd been living in.
It was an effort, a tremendous one, to make myself eat, to still my hands and not seek to make the outside bleed like the inside did until finally, one day, it just didn't happen anymore.
And...I found my way, my path, a path that eventually took me so very far away from those days: I ate, I worked, I played, and on a day I didn't expect it, I fell in love. She was...is...the most amazing person I know, and as my mind swam forward through the years to the present, I understood, understood in ways I'd never had before, why.
"We were so good together," she said, almost a whisper into the breeze as it lightly blew the hair about her shoulders. "We could have had everything." We both watched as she twisted the ring that sat on her finger.
The soft chime in my pocket startled us both, and back to the present, I pulled my cell phone out. "Hey baby," I greeted softly. The tone that rang I'd programmed just for her. "How're you doing?"
"I'm fine, baby--I'm on my way. Where are you?"
I smiled. "That's not necessary, Tee--this thing ends in another hour or so, and I'll be home before you know it."
"Dork." She laughed, that light sound that I loved to hear and lifted my heart with it. "I'm already at the Center--I've met a dozen Jedi knights, several Stormtroopers and three Batmans, and I just passed the place you're supposed to be. Let me guess--you're outside smoking?"
"Not exactly," I chuckled, "just the one -- only half."
"Hey, I see you!" she said excitedly. "I'm right by the door."
"Don't come out, it's cold," I cautioned, "I'll come in to you." I could see her face through the glass not twenty feet away and I waved before I put my phone back in my pocket.
"No," I said finally to Beth, "we couldn't. But I do, now."
I walked away and left her there, not knowing or caring if she watched or followed and as I pulled the heavy glass door open, I felt it rush out and over me when Tee pulled me into her arms, a blanket that spoke of warmth and love. I was loved, I was loved...I was loved. And I loved just as much in return.
I breathed it in, the scent and feel of her, my life in my hands and held close against my body, my heart thudding against her chest as I nuzzled into her neck. "I'm so glad you're here," I murmured, then took her face gently within my hands and kissed her.
"Mmm...me, too," she agreed. "The lab called, just a little while ago," she added softly.
"Yeah?" I asked just as quietly and I felt my body go still. "What did they say?"
"They said," she began, then reached up the slightest bit to kiss my nose, "that we're both going to need to watch the stress levels, because we are." She leaned back to grin at me, the smile lighting her face even more.
"We 'are'?" I repeated dumbly, a smile breaking across my face to match the band of light that spanned my chest.
Tee nodded.
"We are!" I whispered, awed, and pulled her close to me again.
I felt rather than saw Beth walk by.
"Who is that?" Tee asked, staring at her back as she disappeared into the crowd.
"No one," I said, and kissed her fingers before I let them go to wrap my arm around her shoulders. "No one that matters."
